MTV Airs softcore in Primetime

Good people of the internet, I write to you in a passionate fury. MTV, the network responsible for single handedly starting the reality TV phenomenon has sunk to a new low. The show that I speak of is Next, a show that lets a young person go on dates with up to 5 individuals in one sitting. The star of the show has the power to end a date with an individual at any time by shouting "next," hence the show's namesake. The next victim is then ushered out of the tour bus to try his/her luck at the object in hope of finding true MTV love. Don't feel bad for those that are dismissed as they earn a US dollar for every minute they last with the object of their right now affection. Sounds pretty delightful right? I mean you wouldn't mind being publically humiliated for some gas money, right? Well anyway that's the premise of the show. Here's where it gets juicy.

So I'm tuning stations like it's my job. There's no such thing as good primetime TV on a Friday night. (I'm home because I'm sick and all my gigs got cancelled because a lil rain.) Anyway, food network isn't jumpin' off, no good movies on HBO, I happen to flip by MTV and there are two girls on screen involved in a passionate kiss. Gee I think to myself, the guy they are competing for will love that. The shot cuts to the date in progress and we find that the star of tonight's episode is also a girl. That's great MTV, that equal opportunity dating show stuff. Then back to the group of potentials... One of the two kissers addresses her fellow lesbians, and I quote, "...So how are you guys on nipples?"

WTF?!!!

Then just like on a show on Showtime, each girl proceeds to pull out her jugs, and display her nipples to get compliments from the other competitors. Being a basic cable network, MTV can't show nipple, but one could clearly understand what the heck was going on. So there I am, sniffly on the couch suffering from lack of good TV and a runny nose, and, BOOM, I get a dose of softcore porn at 9:21 p.m.. You'd think the network would quit while they're behind but not these guys...

The same sex couple currently out at a "date station" gets into more trouble. The pull up to a huge spread of cake, strawberries, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and I think I saw some honey... The star says, "so do you like strawberry shortcake?" Her date of course concedes that she does and they proceed to make a very messy, erotic, dessert complete with chocolate dipped strawberries and in-cleavage whipped cream. After all that, the star and the date decide to accompany each other on another date, and share a kiss to seal the deal. The reaction shot from the competitors: they're all kissing each other. It's a big happy freakin' lesbian love fest.

While this may blow the head (or something else) off your average 10-16-year-old boy, I seriously doubt that most lesbians actually conduct themselves in this matter. It seems as though this perverted version of reality has left it's real life counterpart wanting. While coming up with a direction for this post, I birthed a theory:

MTV is a actually a government agency. I'll let that sink in. (don't get all conspiracy theory on me here.) Any more it seems as though MTV tries so hard to be cool and stay hip it can only be government owned. I'll wager it is an intelligence gathering operation designed to keep tabs on America's rebel youth. I'd imagine there's also some sort of mind control jumpin' off in the chumpie too. I'll never try to prove this wacky theory lest I be right and then abduct and shipped to a third world country with tupac, biggie, and elvis... Still it makes you wonder... Thanks for reading.

-truth, now constantly looking over my should for kissing lesbians with secret service badges...

P.S. US Government: My name is John Smith, as in Pocahontas. Smith with one S, one M, one I, one T, and, one H. Thank you.